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Change: Hard Lessons, Newfound Strength

There’s been a lot of change in my life recently. Like, a considerable amount of change:

  • I’m earning my Bachelor’s in History in four weeks.

The last couple of months have been interesting, to say the least. And yet, I haven’t taken a step back and really thanked God for what He’s already done in my life. I think sometimes I get so lost in trying to figure out what He’s going to do that I don’t appreciate anything He’s currently doing.

To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t like change. I’m extremely sentimental, I hold people and memories very tightly to my heart, and I don’t like feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps it’s due to my shy nature or ISFJ/Type 2 mentality, but I don’t like it when the “Golden Days” come to an end. However, I don’t want to make excuses for myself because that’s not taking responsibility for those moments when I truly need growth. I’ve certainly made mistakes in my life and intend on improving as often as I can. Nevertheless, I can’t help but express my sadness when certain phases of my life end.

It’s hard to look back and see over a decade of my life change course in a significant way.

How is one expected to just move on with their life when that’s all they have ever known? To take that jump and start afresh? I can’t say it’s been easy. In fact, it has been extremely hard trying to navigate this new phase of my life without having my trusty net — made up of old friends, school, and youthful ignorance — to support me. I’m starting to become my own person now. I would say, “Who knew it was this daunting?”, but I’m sure many people were already aware of the considerable amount of courage life calls us to when we become young adults.

I say all of this because I know that there has to be others out there who feel or have felt this way about their lives. What are you going to do next? Where are you going to go? How are you going to make your life extraordinary? These are all very popular and important questions. Unfortunately, they have really only instilled insecurity and encouraged worry the more I try and think about it. (It’s because I never have a confident answer to any of them). I know I certainly have high aspirations for myself; it’s my heart’s desire to be known, loved, and remembered after God calls me home. Yet, how or when exactly these awesome things will happen is completely unknown to me.

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I’m ready for the new “Golden Days” to begin.

My heart has been broken. My hopes dashed. And my prayers unanswered. But that doesn’t mean that’s the end of my story. I am learning to trust God more every single day to bring me the companionship and camaraderie that my heart desires. I am leaning into Him when I have absolutely no answers about my future spouse, career, or life. Furthermore, I am beginning to understand that I need to listen more to what God actually has to say than what I hope He says. It’s all a process…and sometimes it has a steep learning curve. Still, I’m confident that whatever happens in my life will be used for His glorious purposes.

So, if you feel like you need to control everything in your life, try and let go a little. Over time, I realized I wasn’t happy because I wanted to make everything perfect. I wanted to assume I knew what was best rather than trusting God’s Word. It’s probably why I’ve spent a number of years walking through a deepening spiritual valley of loneliness, fear, and hopelessness. Now that I’m about as low as I have ever been, the only direction I can go is up. Already I can see my life getting brighter with each day, as I’ve finally let go of the reins. Thus, if I can leave you with anything, trust in God. Don’t just lean into Him. Let it all go: your worries, fears, and expectations. He will only lift your spirits to new heights and fill you with the love, hope, and peace you have been craving.

All my love,




Writer. Musician. Lover of History.

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