Beginning A New Journey
This is the fourth time I’ve changed my degree over the past three years. So, technically, I’m a senior now!
Even though I’ll be staying an extra year in college to get my multiple degrees, I believe I’m finally where I need to be.
So, if you’ve changed your degree a lot of times, you’re in good company. I’ve certainly experienced a lot from my many excursions, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
But what now? I think there’s a lot to be said about this recent semester. I mean, I started out this year wanting to achieve: Purpose, Self Care, Gratitude, and Connection. And here I am feeling as though I haven’t improved very much, if at all, in these four areas. At the start of this semester, I thought Psychology was the way to go. That, my love for understanding people was what I wanted out of my career. But during finals week, I made the decision to change to Communications (as I had fallen in love with the fundamentals class required by my university).
Maybe this is where I found purpose. It’s hard to say because I have changed my degree so many times that I feel a certain level of anxiety to say that, “This is my purpose.” What if I jinx it? Again? While it may seem lame to worry about such a thing, I really do wonder what my purpose is very often. Is it to change the world in a large way, like I want to? Or maybe my purpose is to fall into the background and live as humbly as an ISFJ can?
It can be frustrating because I have wonderful friends who are growing up and stepping into their future careers, while I still question if I’m always going to change my mind. It’s hard liking a lot of things and not knowing which thing you’re best at or which one you’re meant to be good at.
And then I think of self care. Have I really been taking care of myself this semester? It was better than the Fall, but there needed to be more focus on it. I may have been more attentive to my needs and still not have taken the best care of myself when I had the chance. The positive with taking Psychology classes this semester was that I learned about George Engel’s Biopsychosocial Model, which breaks down the physical, mental, and social factors in our lives. Viewing my life like the model did make it a bit easier to see where my self care has been lacking.
Gratitude. Ah, gratitude. Isn’t it especially hard to be thankful when the world is turned upside down? Looking back over my three years in college may seem messy and unnecessary. I mean, every major I have chosen has inevitably become my minor. All the time, money, sweat, and tears that were spent sometimes feel like a mistake. Like, it looks like there was no benefit to any of it. I’m learning to be grateful for the lows as much as the highs — especially the blogs where I confidently talked about my new passion for a Music career in Jazz or finding my way in History and Psychology. Had those things not happened, I don’t think I would be as settled and content in my new degree.
And finally, there’s connection. How I have starved for it! It’s been so hard trying to make lasting friendships and strengthen my current bonds in college. Sometimes, I feel like I’ll never grow my friendship circle. You know? This valley that I have been walking through feels endless…Why me, God? Why can’t I have more? To be honest, there have been a lot of times that I have cried to leave this valley and climb to a mountain top. And constantly I have to remind myself that this isn’t forever.
Personally, I don’t like talking about my feelings. It’s tough and you have to be open to other responses. What if they take it the wrong way? What if they judge me? If you’re feeling that way, I empathize with you. That’s why I write these things. There have been many moments where I scour the internet for a blog post or article, just trying to find someone I can relate to. So, I want to be that voice for you.
Life can really suck at times, I get it. Especially when we don’t know what we’re meant to do, how to take care of ourselves, what to be thankful for, and who we’re meant to connect with. But this valley that we’re in isn’t permanent. We have every chance to make it better. It may not get better immediately, and all of our problems may not simply go away. Yet, we can take a step back and analyze the situation so that we can only go up from here.
I know I haven’t released very many articles on lighthearted topics lately, so I’ll make sure and post some soon. May you be encouraged, friends. College is difficult and being an adult is even more so. Don’t give up. You’re not alone in this!
All my love,
“When God calls us to step out of our comfort zone, He is not calling us to be comfortable in the situation. He is calling us to be comfortable in Him in spite of the situation.” — Stacy Sanchez